Vensaire, The Documentary

Check out this short documentary by the up and coming band out of NYC called “Vensaire.” I think they’ve got a lot of potential. Yeah, it’s kind of Animal Collective, but it’s more organic—less digitalized and more acoustic. I like that. You can download their oldest song, entitled “See I’m You”, here and also their newly recorded song “If” on their soundcloud.

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3p.m.

The final drops of rain made their long awaited dive into earth’s pool, and the sun, after waiting so patiently, shined down upon the distant surface. “It’s been so long,” we said. The reflection quickly reminded us what we were here for, and so much of that knowledge told us to stop walking and start running, running for truth, running for who we are and who we are to become, and so much so that we almost canceled our entire day’s appointments. But not even the light could save us for more than a second and a cloud of grey found its way first.

The 2012 Academy Awards and Other Thoughts

No doubt, Rooney was phenomenal and earned the best actress nomination. Her performance blew me away. Midnight in Paris was good too. Well, more like I fell in love with Adriana. How could I not? However, I’m not sure if it’s qualified for Best Picture or Writing (original screenplay). In my opinion, I think Dragon Tattoo should take every award for it’s soundtrack and overall mix and mastering alone. And, hell, best cinematography too. I liked it that much.

On not an entirely different note, I discovered the soundtrack to The Social Network. I mean, I knew about it before and had it, but never gave it a real chance until rather recently. Each track contains some musical nuance that is just genius. The layers of instrumentation for the score seem to fall in close proximity to the notion that Eno recorded under for Small Craft on a Milk Sea, which was to create music that was entirely new to people by pairing various musical textures with one’s they typically don’t go with. So, what you get, for instance, is a Japanese sounding darkwave pop song that in a strange makes you feel happy and hopeful because it’s paired with major chord drones or possibly dissonant sounds with pretty piano on top of it. This doesn’t make sense to us at the time, but once we let it grow on us our conscious perceptions become widened to more emotions and more realities, and that’s cool. That’s modernity that I want to be a part of. Or is it postmodern? I doubt it because they’re not moving away from anything. Well, in a way that’s exactly what they’re doing, but the important thing is that they are using everything at their disposal—computers, new instruments, collaborative artists, great software, and original ideas to achieve something new that’s never been done before. There’s something about modern artists like Reznor & Eno that’s just right. Ross too, but Reznor is clearly in the forefront. NIN is obviously good. It’s just weird to listen to them without headphones because people make weird faces and say stupid things when they overhear it. But this shouldn’t surprise me. Katy Perry’s not in the band.

Yesterday

Fremont Ave N & N 34th. Raining slush. Freezing my bag of bones. Brave, I look up the street with squinting eyes and see Starbucks of which I promised myself I would never go to unless I was in an emergency. This was clearly an emergency. I was miserable in the cold, had thirty minutes to spare, and was probably a little thirsty if I needed another reason. So, I took my shivering body by the hand walked it over to the coffee shop. Warm air greeted us. I looked at the menu and the lady who worked there rushed me along as I’m sure she’s used to Starbucks addicts who know exactly what they want without even looking at the options. I picked what I thought to be a warm coffee drink known as a frappacino. We all know that this is a nice summer drink for those days when it’s eighty degrees out. I had forgotten this. Long story short, I’m in Starbucks shivering just like I was outside because my drink is made of ice. I check the time and see that it’s twelve minutes before the bus is scheduled to come by, so I figure I should go to the bus stop and wait there just in case the bus is early. As I stand up what do I see but the bus across the street from inside Starbucks arrive at the bus stop. I sprint outside and try to make it to the bus, but the traffic is too dense and I miss it. So here I am back where I started even colder than I was before with a half full frappacino in my hand freezing to death knowing that I just missed the bus for a cold drink. The only good thing to come out of this was that I got to have another interesting conversation with a stranger at the bus stop since the bus ended up being twenty minutes late meaning we were standing there for about fourty five minutes.

I’m not going to be back in Starbucks for a good while. I mean, it’s too late. I already spent my money and I’m officially part of the problem. I just don’t know anything about coffee drinks, and I don’t care because they cost way too much for me to be concerned about anyways.  Yes, the snow was pretty but I was absolutely freezing for a number of reasons that I can laugh about now.

Life can be funny sometimes.

No Heart Substitute

Two nights ago I had a dream that dramatically shook my emotions.  In it I was able to experience this young woman’s entire life in segments similar to a movie. I had the ability to navigate her life in chapters at my own pace and to rewind, fast forward, and pause any moment she ever lived. It was quite surreal and meaningless at first as I didn’t see the point in watching this girl who was a complete stranger to me go about her life in what was seemingly a foreign land to me (although, I would describe the setting as being very much Swedish if someone asked me). As I began to get tired of being here, her life suddenly skipped to what I would guess to be about four years later in dream years, which I would equate to about 40 years in reality. This part of her life came off as being the final chapter, and what was revealed to me was unsettling. I was immediately transported to the living room of a house at midday with a view of the front door and the windows where I could see the snow on the ground outside. The door opens and the woman is wheeled in to the home. She is the same girl as before except it’s as if all emotion has been stripped from her entire being, from her face to her toes, from her wheelchair to her thin stomach. She looks completely dead yet at the same time living because she looks at the walls of the house with her eyes and looks to be generally aware of her surroundings. The dream shifts chapters again and I am suddenly in the kitchen with her, and this is where everything becomes clear. I see that there’s a glass container holding a dead fly signifying death where her left breast would normally be, and a voice comes over the silence and aks, “Can you believe it?”  Then, the woman utters what would be the first and last words I would ever hear from her the entire dream. “I can’t live without a heart,” she says in sheer sadness and hopelessness as if she’s crying and her words are her tears. It was as if her ghost got one opportunity to whisper its deepest hurt and regret. The bottom line is that this woman longs to experience life in its entirety but is now incapable of doing so because she no longer has a heart for a reason unknown. This woman who was once full of meaning and emotion was now left with nothing but her skin to cover her bones in the cold. This dream made no sense to me. I didn’t understand why I would dream such a thing. But then I remembered how for the past couple of days I had doubted God’s grace. How could it be that after a lifetime of living in sin, the God who created us could grant us life after we die to this earth? I’ve been thinking that it seems too good to be true. Looking past everything Jesus said, I just can’t bring myself to accept the notion that after everything that happens here in this life, God redeems all who acknowledge Him as Lord and Savior. That He restores, that He’s better than life, that He’s unlike anything I can imagine… I’ve just really doubted these things lately, and I think this dream had everything to do with those doubts. But one thing’s for certain, and it’s that I woke up never wanting to lose my heart.

“God is love.”

“Why do you get the magic carpet?”

Even though it wasn’t our most polished night, there was still something magical and divine about group tonight. It being the first group of the quarter and of the new year, we were all a bit nervous, but that always seems to bring us together in a beautiful way. Lately, I’ve been growing aware of the fact that group is changing my life and in wonderful ways that will last a very long time if not forever. It’s very time consuming, but I like that. As of tonight my brain is officially doing a ton of processing of a number of different things which are consuming me at this time. Classes, time management, food, Jesus, insomnia, loneliness, lots of reading, girls, guys, bands (plural), group, religion, family issues, talent show stuff, and having radical thoughts about the future are all going through my internal filter. But, for what it’s worth, I feel a deep sense of purpose in all of the craziness like there’s a reason for all of this. It’s as if all the chaos is just the pieces to the grand puzzle of the next stage in my life, and let me tell you, I am so excited for what’s to come of it. So, here’s to closing chapters and new beginnings. (cheesy, I know)

* Check out the updated group tumblr. We got to use one of my favorite verses for the benediction!

Okay, bye for now beautiful people.

— Nolan

Welcome Time

Well, here we are. We’ve all made it to the year twenty twelve. Congratulations and blessings to you all as I’m sure you’ve come a long way and have far yet to go in your precious journeys here on earth. The beginning of this year finds me in a spiritual fog. For the past couple months I’ve really been reassessing my faith. With my nose in books covering world religions and why one should and shouldn’t be a Christian, I’ve really got my hands quite full. I want to know why people believe or don’t believe that Jesus was who he said to be. I want to know exactly why they are Christians or not. I need to have an answer to this question. I feel the strongest conviction of this. Truthfully, I’ve been brought back to what seems like square one, not quite sure what it is I believe. I’m hoping to discover truth as I get on my hands and knees and confess my emptiness to whatever listens. What can I give to non believers if I don’t know what it is I stand for? What if the opportunity arises for me to explain my faith to curious ears? I would fail if I couldn’t vouch for my God, and let me confess to you and to myself that this has happened on more than one occasion. I should be ashamed of myself, and I am, and out of this comes my spiritual winter where I reside now. It’s cold and it’s lonely, but the more I learn for myself the warmer I become and the closer I come to seeing the light. Out of darkness will come truth and like a ghost I will rise over old streets with new eyes. Happy new year, Nolan. Remember this one.