Hunger Pains in The Dark

I have insomnia when I’m sick, and I’m sick. So, here I am.

Tonight, I played a sold out Christmas concert in the beautiful Benaroya Hall. It reminded me of my deep connection to Christmas. I love it when trees start to go up and people decorate their homes with lights. My family has never been one to put up lights on the outside of our house, but I sure do appreciate it when other families do. My dad and I used to ride our bikes around Tacoma and into Browns Point to admire the colorful homes of Christmas. Something about those nighttime rides stuck with me. I wished that I could ride all night long looking at every house in the world with lights. Now look at me. I guess the “all night long” part of that wish was granted. [insert famous saying]

These nights get easier at some point. It varies. I’m handling it okay tonight. My cold isn’t getting to me right now.  It was just during the day when I had things to do, places to be. I saw this pretty girl today. She never even looked at me once. I kind of felt like a Charlie Brown character. You know, the sad one. I also had a nice conversation with my friend about how thrilling it would be to see Godzilla appear in the middle of the city. I caught myself though, because this friend of mine is a girl and I often start going off on some story or idea I think up out of much excitement just to realize that my listener is usually not a nerdy guy like I admittedly am on some level. Like the other day, I was on a bus going back to campus at night and I suddenly thought about how crazy it’d be if some guy pulled a gun on us and the man in front of us with a trench-coat was a real life superhero and he ripped off his clothes and was wearing this spandex outfit underneath and saved us and it turns out he’s like a professor from SPU and he’s also a legit superhero. But, what if there was this half alien half human sitting in the back of the bus, and the superhero stunt weirds him out and he goes all violent gremlin on the superhero professor guy, so ultimately there’s this really awkward fight on the bus that I have to break up. I literally said this to the girl sitting next to me, and she gave me the strangest look and was like, “Um… cool.” Anyways, it would be cool if Godzilla came to town. I mean scary, but freaking awesome. She agreed.

For dinner I ate a decent salad and drank two of those mini water bottles (the kind of dinner that makes me sad in the privacy of my soul) while everyone around me had yummy sandwiches and cookies. I was reminded of this girl at some church gathering dinner worship whatever you want to call it who said being gluten intolerant is much like going on a permanent fast.

I laughed a lot today, way more than usual. I’m not sure why to be honest. Despite being really stressed out about a number of things, my spirit was at ease today. That was nice. I have this shampoo that has tea tree oil in it, and I used it this morning. I love it. I can still smell it. I love shower time. It’s the best time aside from dreaming of falling love, which I haven’t done in a while. I suppose that’s not such a bad thing. I take that back, that’s not the best time. Granted, I can’t think of something that is better than that right now, but I’m sure there’s something. It probably has to do with being by myself or within community and Jesus. Maybe I’m becoming less obsessed with finding love. Well, I doubt that.

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