I found and downloaded the new Widowspeak LP today that’s set to drop in August. So stoked to listen to it all the way through! So far it sounds way good. Maybe I’ll get to support them and go to one of their shows when I’m in New York!
“I spent all my money on four loko today, and I regret it. It was a fucking terrible experience.”
You want to know something? I’ve been in a state of contentment for a long time. I don’t want to be anywhere else other than right here right now—nothing in the past, nothing in the future. I’m happy. I wake to the sound of running water, and that sound is precisely what will put me to sleep tonight. I sleep next to a clock, which tells me nothing other than “Nolan, you’re completely and utterly lost in this world,” but I’m thankful for it because it reminds me of my grandeur of existence.
I wish you could see what I see right now. I see a tall oak tree closing its eyes with the clouds as they head north towards their beds. I hear my family laughing together as I type this, and I’m finding solace knowing that no matter what happens, this has been enough. I have no regrets. The size of the universe and the beauty that it holds is beyond what we can comprehend. Plus, a life that is all about death is no life at all. A vast narrow and tedious mountain trail told me that today. Maybe you were the watermelon in my bowl, or the last blog post which I quoted almost word for word from somewhere else, or perhaps you were the one I met this afternoon down by the creek. Whatever you were, whoever you are, thanks for bringing me to this moment. Try living in it.
Get a job. Walk to work. Wear a suit and brown glossy shoes. Grow out your hair. Wear black. Never wear black. Scribble poetry in business meetings. Stare out the window. Stop paying so much attention. Start daydreaming of the trees. Hum in the elevator. Smile on the bus. Take long showers. Wear $5 blank shirts. Stop reading the paper. Forget about politics. Change your smile. Smile with your eyes. Buy markers. Primary colors. Work in black and white. Take pictures. Listen to buried records. Listen to silence. Pack your bags. Donate everything. Step into new shoes. Don’t wear shoes. Try not sleeping. Leave this city. Look back. Fall in love. Break your heart. Break a bone. Watch death. Relive old things. Lose yourself. Lose 10 pounds. Lift some weights. Lose a parent. Change. Forget. Remember. Take off that necklace and replace it with a song. Follow the double yellow line. Compose a song on your roof. Night air. Tangerines and overripe plums. Touch your toes. Touch your lips. Touch your heart and break it in half. Pack your bags. Screw convention. Question everything. The answers are everywhere.
People are learning. I can feel myself being watched and analyzed, and I hope you continue to do so because it keeps me going. I don’t think it’s mere idolatry or sex. It’s about the understanding we gain about reality from watching others. It’s about why we don’t explode, why we don’t just wake up one day and go running and crying down the street, kicking everything to pieces out of the raw, infuriating, completely personal sense of our lives never having been what they could have been. It’s about destiny, and how our lives are inevitably going in complete opposite directions yet ending up in the same place because we’re all living the human experience.