Vacation

Believe what you want, but I’m convinced that about a month ago I vividly experienced in a dream more than I ever have before what eternal life is going to feel like. I know how it sounds, but I think I had a vision, and I believe this dream was from God.

The previous afternoon I had been discussing Heaven and the concept of eternal life with some friends and what it is going to be like. I think a lot of us get caught up in wondering what Heaven is going to look like, when the real question should be “how is it going to feel?”. I understand that at the forefront eternal life is going to be unmediated fellowship with God. Anyways, I’ll tell you about the dream, which won’t take long because it was more of a feeling than anything else.

There was a group of us in an open-walled room in the middle of endless brown grasslands. Somehow we were all engaged in conversation at the same time, even when silent. It was like ideal socializing. Nothing any of us said hurt one another, rather it filled us up and kept us alive in love. Eventually, we all got on a sleigh, which had no animal to pull us. It didn’t seem weird at the time. And, I was seated front and center giving me a great view of the horizon. For a split moment I looked out at the line where the sky touched the ground and got such a good feeling because I realized nothing was stopping us from running to it and playing in it. We could run forever and never get tired. It was at that moment that I felt home. I fell in love with everything. I realized that the grass hills were made for us. This entire place, this whole experience was all for us. The sleigh pulled us all over this place, and fast too. It was the most fun I had ever had. I looked up and the entire sky was like that of a rainbow. It was so many colors. I’d never been happier. We jumped off the sleigh and landed on the ground, which was soft. It didn’t hurt to fall anymore. We were all experiencing perfect communion with one another and this place. Also, I didn’t experience time. It takes time for me to explain this, yes, but it was everything at once. It was peace and freedom to love all to the far ends of joy, and it was amazing because it was God and I got to live in His world.

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James C. Su-Brown

My Grandpa has lived a life I could never fully comprehend. Every time I see him, he sits down and ultimately unloads a plethora of stories about his life. He tells me about skipping every class at Harvard, then pulling an all-nighter before the final and getting perfect scores. He laughs a lot. His stories remind me not to worry so much. He lived off of watermelon rinds and became a master of chess, and he is smiling the whole time he tells the story for the hundredth time. The Seattle Times wrote about him in 1990. He was still working as a successful lawyer at the time. I must say, though, that this article does not even begin to do justice to his life, but it’s interesting to read an unbiased biography of my Grandpa. Read the article here.

Still Here

The stars seems so far away. I feel like I’ve lost something incredible, but I couldn’t begin to distinguish what it is. I’m surviving, but surviving is no life at all if you ask me. But, if winning the war is just staying in battle, then I suppose I haven’t failed completely.

I think I’m nicer now, which is ironic because I feel like so much more is mean around me. Don’t get me wrong, though, there are really nice things about this place, but it hasn’t been easy living here; bad things have happened and sometimes I look at myself and think that Seattle has taken away more than its given. I haven’t really digested much of it. I’ve been living for the weekend and putting everything aside until then. But, I’m nineteen. It’s been almost a year since I graduated, and that’s a very long time. I must be affected somehow.

I want to “go back east”, but it’s not going back if you’ve never been there. It reminds of how I haven’t really moved that much in my life. I was born in Bend, Oregon and it wasn’t long before my family moved to Federal Way, WA. I slept in a small room in my Grandparent’s house. I waited for a lot of things as a child. I waited for my mom to come back from night school each night. I waited for my dad to come home from work. I waited for my brother to become coherent. Things used to be a lot different. And, if I were small again, I would look forward and say that so much ended up changing. I quit skateboarding, I quit having friends, I quit caring about what others thought about me, and I started living the way I wanted to. I went to college and stayed somewhat local even though it seemed that I had flew to another planet. I pretended to study important things like literature, history, and science, and learned that waiting on something can be the most liberating experience of one’s life.

But, here I am waiting for something to meet me in the dark. Some things wait for me. I’ve got notebooks that wait, books on my fragile shelf that dream of being opened, stacks of canvases wait next to my window for color, a tiny bible six years young that waits patiently for me to underline its truth, expired film that sits in my cabinet waiting to be developed and remembered. These things remind me of hopes I’ve had, dreams I still dream, a future I thought was due to manifest itself on this date, and yet I’m still waiting. But, the truth is that I don’t want to lay awake for one more second and wait for something I dream of every night.

I used to have a beautiful balloon that tied me to the sky. I remember looking up past the tree line to see it swaying in the afternoon breeze. I fell in love with it in that moment. One day I came back from school, and was in a very sad mood. These guys stole my lunch and said I was much too small for my age. My balloon looked down at me and said, “Screw you world.” Again, I fell in love with it in that moment. But, it wasn’t double knotted to my wrist, and it passed on one sunday morning. I remember it, though. It was red, my favorite color. It helped me walk when I was tired. It even made my legs run when the wind was excited. It healed my wrists and told me not to worry about tomorrow because it was already there. That balloon was special like that. But, is it possible to fall in love with a balloon? I don’t have to wait to find out. I dream of that every night.