New Years

I hear the canons shooting off their fireworks, so that’s a wake up call. The new year is nearly here. I’m not one to make new year’s resolutions because that’s pointless and never works, at least for me (I’ve tried.). But, each year at this time, it’s become tradition for me just to reflect on everything that’s happened.

I must be slightly more grown than I was, but did I grow up or sideways? Did I make strides forward and baby steps back, or not move at all? I’m supposed to fix things, but I feel like too much is broken. If not mentally, then physically I break down, and when I’m like this, my lingering depression rises to the surface. At times I yell at the dark and swear insomnia is the worst curse of them all, but I know I’m okay and deep down I’m sure that I will overcome this and live to smile at a past I overcame. But, I do complain and I have no solutions. So, in short, I’ve come to realize I am nothing without God except one small catalyst to the mistakes I am skewed towards. Situations and consequences I can’t bear on my own have brought me to rely on what I now see as my only hope, that being Jesus Christ.

My priorities have changed. Instead of praying to survive, I’m praying to live and live better. I want to make other people happy. I tend to cling to those who encourage me. Doesn’t everyone? So, I figure it would be nice if I became one of those people, and in doing so, it would only make sense that I will make more friends than I ever have before, and I’ve always dreamed of that. If for nothing else, It would sure help add to my friend collage I’m making for my dorm room with my disposable camera prints. But in sincerity, people are a new found love of mine. God has shown that to me by bringing me to the SPU community. I think I value everyone a little more, and it’s one of the most lovely things I’ve felt thus far.

My dogs are barking in unison at the Tacoma fireworks, an appropriate climax to the year.

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